Barriers to effective communication

Despite communication being the most important aspect of our lives, it is not something we learn about at school. And most often than not, it only comes up as a training option when things go wrong.

Communication is not about talking. It is more about listening. And this is often the problem. There isn’t just one barrier that can stop you from listening and therefore communicating effectively.

External barriers

Noise is the obvious example here, like bin lorry or gardeners turning up unexpectedly. Or road works and any other maintenance you won’t have control over. Less obvious example of external noise is radio or music. Just because you’re used to filtering out the noise no matter how pleasant or unpleasant it is, others might not share your superpower. Bearing this in mind is especially important if you or someone else needs to get the point across and there already is an indication of misunderstanding. Check that the environment is suitable to everybody involved.

Another external barrier is more visual. Looking at the phone, reading a book, newspaper, paperwork. Even if you’re still able to hear the words, you won’t be able to pick up on other important communication and nonverbal clues.

Less obvious external distraction is thinking what the other person might be thinking about you. Are they judging you? Are they even listening and taking you seriously?

Internal barriers

There are more internal barriers you need to watch out for if you want to be able to communicate effectively with people around you and in any situation. From your own agenda, listening for the pauses you can fill or thinking about what you’re having for dinner. Your own judgment when you think you know what the other person is feeling or thinking. And even if you have been in comparable situation, the chances are, your feelings won’t be the same. There is one example of this I will never forget and that is a death of a parent. For some people it will be a shock. An unexpected event and so the grief will be sudden. For other person, it might have been a relief, their parent suffered from an illness, and they were able to grieve slowly. Then there are people who have been abused or mistreated by their parents and will feel a massive relief. So don’t judge people based on what you think you would do or feel. It’s not the same for everyone. Don’t think you know better. Because, again, people’s perspectives and judgments are different. There is a very slim chance that someone will share the same values and beliefs than you do. Respect others for their opinion and be open to different views. You never know, you might learn something.

One of the biggest barriers that can stop you from listening and therefore communicating with others are emotions. Every action has a reaction and every time someone says something that pushes your emotional buttons, you won’t be able to respond logically. Emotions give you information about your current experience and guide our reaction. There are no good or bad emotions but there are good or bad reactions. And so, if you feel reacting emotionally, take a break to deal with your feelings and frustration first before you enter discussion. Yes, this is easy said than done, but by being aware of your own internal and external barriers, you will learn to manage your reactions better. Over time, you will see a pattern in triggers and even though you might not be able to remove those from your life, you can manage your reaction.

Steps to remove the barriers

The first key step is Self-awareness. Be aware of the following:

What is going through your mind?

How can you stop internal chatter and concentrate on listening? (This comes easier with practice)

What/Who pushes your emotional buttons?

How can you manage your emotional reactions, so you are able to continue the conversation and find the underlying cause of the problem?

What is it that you want out of the conversation? Is it clarity? Then, you will have to try your best to listen without assuming you already know.

Remember, it takes time, patience and practice but once you master the skill you will learn about the differences between you and others.